Amy Rees Anderson

“A happily married man is one who understands every word that his wife didn’t say.”

How true is that quote?!?  Now I can’t speak for every single woman out there, but I will go out on a limb and say that it is definitely true that a good majority of we women want our significant others to be able to read our minds.  We want them to pick up on all of those words that we don’t come out and say.  I realize it is ridiculous of us to have that expectation of our men, but ridiculous or not, it is what we want.  “Why”, you men ask?   I will try and explain why, but when I do you have to promise not to laugh or make fun of it, even though it will sound absolutely ludicrous to you…ready…no laughing…we want you to read our minds because we feel that if we have to tell you what we want, then it won’t mean as much to us when you give it to us.  Example:  If we have to tell you we want flowers, then when you buy them for us we will  think you only bought them because we asked you to and not because you loved us.  Another example:  If we have to tell you that we want you to say we look pretty then we will think you are only saying it to us because we asked you to and not because you actually think it.  Yet another example:  If we have to tell you to buy us a diamond for Christmas then when you buy it for us we will think – we will think “who the freak cares if he only bought me a diamond because I asked for it – it’s a freaking diamond and I will take it!!!!”    Okay, that last one was a bad example, but for anything but diamonds, what I am explaining holds true.  As women we want you as our man to figure out magically what we are thinking and what we want, and then act on it.  I realize it is a totally irrational request, but we are women, and we are totally entitled to have irrational requests because you men already think we are irrational anyway and we certainly wouldn’t want to disappoint you :).   Plus remember:

“Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!”

All teasing aside, there is some genuine truth to what I am explaining.  The smartest thing a man can do for the women he loves, right after buying her diamonds, which is always the #1 thing he can do, is for a man to listen to those subtle hints his woman will drop and then pay attention and act on them. For example, your woman says “Did you see how cute the necklace was that Susy’s husband bought for her?”  Interpretation – “Call Susy’s husband and find out where he bought that necklace and go buy it for me!  But make it an even nicer one so that Susy will know that my husband loves me more than her husband loves her!”.   Another example, your woman says “Babe, you don’t have to buy me anything for Christmas this year.  I already have everything I need.”  Interpretation – “If you are dense enough to fall for what I just said then you are in some serious trouble mister! Of course you better buy me a gift for Christmas, oh, and make sure it is plenty sparkly!”  Yet another example, your woman says as you drive by a fast food restaurant, “Are you hungry babe?”  Interpretation – “I am starving and if you know what is good for you, you will pull into that drive through and get me a combo meal.  And if you don’t pull in it tells me that you think I am fat.  So if you want me to know that you think I am skinny then pull in and make mine a super-sized combo.” 

Don’t you see how easy it was to figure out what we really meant from all the subtle clues we drop?  It’s a piece of cake.  So for all you men out there who want to make your woman happy, I have just given you the secret to making that happen – #1 diamonds.  #2 read our minds – the clues are there for you just like those bread crumbs that led Hansel and Gretel through the woods…all you have to do is follow them…Nothing to it! 😉

Last, but not least,

My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship.

It’s titled, “Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.”

And know that even though you are wrong, we still love you, because someone has to love you enough to help change you, and we women are confident that we can…even if it takes a lifetime to make that happen.

  ~Amy

16 Comments

  • Mikinsie Clark says:

    Okay, this made me bust up laughing several times. “Make sure it’s plenty sparkly!” It’s obvious to see where your daughter gets her excellent creative writing skills!

  • Mark Hester says:

    Amy, you are hilarious. Us boys are tasked with some things where the outcome is pre-determined but we are unable to recognize the different possible results.

    We analyze, get sure of ourselves, and ultimately make a wrong decision. I’m thankful for forgiveness.

    I’m also thankful for you as I near my one year anniversary. I did something neither one of us was sure I could do.

    Thank You!

  • Brittany says:

    Hahahahaha I love this! It is totally true though, and totally irrational. But I am the exact same way. In fact I have already told my husband twice that I don’t need anything for Christmas…. but really I totally want something. Luckily, he knows that.

    I have also had to tell him I want flowers but then told him not to buy them for a while or I will feel like he only bought them because I asked him to and then I won’t want them… Man, it is hard to be a woman. We are confusing!

    Great post, thanks for the laugh. I will be sure to have my husband read this post. He will learn so much…

    Have a good weekend Amy!

  • Steph Featherstone says:

    Ha ha ha! I love this! It is so true. Whether we women want to admit it, we really do expect men to read our minds. And sometimes they don’t get it, but that’s okay, because we still love them anyway.

    Thanks for sharing! 😛

    P.S. Love the picture at the end. I am determined that will be me when I reach that ripe old age with my future husband (if he ever stops to ask for directions and gets here! Lol. )

  • Melissa says:

    I really must be defective; I think I am the only woman in the world who really does get more excited about a new small appliance than for something sparkly. I am pathologically practical. *sigh* 🙂

  • Tim says:

    I am actually great at knowing when to read my wife’s mind! It is everything after that when I fail miserably. For example
    Wife: “Hey, your car is pretty old, do you think we should get a new car?”
    Me: “Yes! I will go get a Ford F150 tonight! You are the best wife ever!!!”
    Wife: …silently looks out the old car window of her car, that is only slightly better than mine.

    Fail

    I will try to better. But heck, I got a sweet new truck!

  • kim says:

    I think I fall in with I am happy with a home made item or a simple “I love you”.. I did like the article as I can see some girls and guys want all the sparkly things and have known some people to actually have to say what they want or the clues they throw out go over the person’s head.

  • Bradley says:

    Very well written Amy yet, based upon your logic, I would tend to be inclined to conclude that you might also wager that it was also Adam’s fault for not offering a diamond to Eve as she would of thus been totally unimpressed by the allure of that naughty snake??….lol……

    Seriously though, I do truly appreciate all insight into my Wife, although quite frankly, I’m not sure I would want to read her mind (especially when she gets mad at me for not reading her mind)!!

  • John says:

    Funny… witty… and painfully true!

    I believe you inadvertently left out one relevant truism regarding marriage: Men marry women, hoping they will never change. And women marry men, thinking they can change them.

    Talk about ironing… uh… I mean irony!

  • Chuck Poulson says:

    Amy, I am happily married (over 20 years) but for sure I fall down in this area. Being married to a Korea woman makes it doubly difficult because they are experts at reading faces. So when JinSuk asks me, “do you get my meaning and I say sure sweetheart, she looks at me and says no you don’t, your face gives you away”. Ugh!. Anyway, loved the article. What might help the “guys” out there is a book titled: The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman…actually great for women too!
    Also just wanted to say I caught your articles on “Decide in Advance to do the Right Thing” and “Success Will Come and Go but Integrity is Forever” and you are right on. I am retired from a successful career in commercial real estate and now mentor business people. I will surely use those articles as examples of what I am trying to instill in them. Also love your dad’s quote…don’t count us “old guys” out yet, we do know a thing or two…generally we learned them the hard way!!! God Bless! Chuck

  • Bob Ligget says:

    Amy, at first I was in shock when I read this last week. You’ve given voice to what many of us men have thought for years, but dare not say out loud. It’s a tremendously difficult thing to do, and goes against our very nature. Men don’t do nuanced communication, we speak plainly. With each other. But when we transfer our native senses to communicating with women, well, many things are lost in translation. If a man tried this with another man, we’d respond with well, why didn’t you say so? Be more clear next time! So yes, we need to be ever vigilant to the unspoken, but nevertheless communicated messages we receive every day from our wives. If you want to get academic about it, a crash course in emotional intelligence is an eye-opener for most people and provides real consciousness-raising. Thanks for the validation and reminders.

  • Lindee says:

    Pahahaha! Best. Post. Ever!
    “who the freak cares if he only bought me a diamond because I asked for it – it’s a freaking diamond and I will take it”
    -three thumbs up!

  • Hellen says:

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    your lover had all through the relationship.

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