“How or who, baby…how or who…”, that is my husband Rollin’s very favorite saying.  How do I know it’s his favorite? Because I’ve heard him say it multiple times every day for the last ten and a half years of marriage.  Let me explain:

Every time that I ask my husband Rollin to do something and then start giving him detailed directions on exactly how he should go about doing it… (cause…he’s a man…and not to stereotype every man out there, but let’s just #realtalk for a second and all acknowledge that the majority of men typically just don’t care about giving that extreme level of attention to every tiny detail when doing a task that a woman often cares to give…and while the men might describe it as being “a psychotic and unnecessary amount of attention to detail” we women simply think of if as “showing just how much we care”… 🙂 )…my husband will immediately respond with, “How or who, baby…how or who…”

The first time I heard that phrase come out of his mouth (which honestly was probably like ten minutes into our married life…) I had absolutely no idea what he meant. Seeing my look of bewilderment he explained, “You can either decide how a task will get done, or, you can decide who is going to do it, but you don’t get to decide both.” He explained that if I wanted something to get done in exactly a certain way then I could do it myself, but if I wanted to decide he was going to do it then I would have to let him do it his own way.

“Well that’s ridiculous” I responded, “Why wouldn’t you do it the way I am describing when its exactly the very best way to get it done right?! I mean, why in the world you would not want to do it the very best way?!”

To that he simply laughed and shook his head, and again repeated,  “How or who baby….how…or…who…”

Ten and a half years of marriage later, and not a day goes by without my husband responding, “How or who baby….how or who…” …But don’t you worry….I’m not giving up….because one of these days I’ll finally get him to admit that all those detailed instructions I continuously give him really are the very best way to do those tasks exactly right! 🙂 …   “Cause all it takes to change a man is perseverance,” said no one with a straight face, ever.    (tee hee)

~Amy Rees Anderson