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Happy or Sad, Good or Bad, Love It or Hate It, It's All in How You View It

This article is more than 10 years old.

As a business leader, one of the many lessons I learned was that employees often viewed the world around them in ways that were completely different from what was actually going on. I observed time and time again employees who interpreted something one way when the reality was actually totally different. I learned that when employees had only partial facts on a matter they would read into the situation by taking those partial facts and mixing them with their own interpretation of other events – or their own emotions – and they blended these things together to come up with a world that they perceived to be true and factual.

I am not suggesting in any way that this is something an employee does intentionally, but the reality is that I saw it happen almost every day as a CEO. Over time it became clear to me that these misperceptions of the facts were causing unnecessary stress to employees and needless anxiety for their coworkers, so I decided to share some ideas with my employees on how they could avoid falling into the trap of interpreting situations with partial facts or partial understanding.

I started off with a story that illustrates perfectly the way that all human beings tend to interpret the world around them in everyday life, not just at work. A woman I am friends with had a son who committed suicide. She was absolutely devastated. She is the most amazing woman I know and one of the best moms I have met. She is incredible, and no doubt her situation was both tragic and heartbreaking.

This woman shared that a few days after her son’s suicide she had to go to the store to pick something up. She was broken and sad and could barely force herself to go. As she arrived at the store she saw everyone around her happy and hustling to get things done and she said that with all her might she wanted to scream out “STOP! Don’t you know what has happened? Don’t you know that my son is dead? Don’t you see that my world has come crashing down around me?”

Now let me tell you the view of someone else who happened to be at the store that day, but who had no idea what had just happened to this woman. The other person came into the store and was in a hurry to grab something. They were rushing through the store and got in line with the woman who was preoccupied with the thoughts of her loss and not paying attention. They were frustrated with that woman thinking, “What is your problem? I am in a hurry here and you are holding me up? Seriously, why do you have to inconvenience everyone else because you can’t get it together?”

That story paints perfectly the picture of what happens every day around us, and I see it happen all the time at work. Someone views events around them and they immediately try to interpret those events using just the data they have at that point mixed with the emotions they are dealing with that day. Then they form an opinion of a person, or a situation, and they believe it to be true. As simple as that, they have formed the way they see the world around them. How sad would it be for everyone to suddenly have the entire story, all the facts, all the reasons, all the details – only to find out that everything they thought to be true wasn’t the case at all?

The reality is that no one can ever have all of the facts in every situation because usually there just isn’t time to gather them all. What they can do is modify the way that they choose to view things. Rather than taking half information and painting the picture to be one that is negative or hurtful or sad, what if instead they chose to look for the positive meaning that might exist? What if they chose to look for the way to view it in a light that was happy, and optimistic, and hopeful? Which of those two options is likely to help them feel the happiest?

Consider these scenarios and my suggestions in dealing with them:

When someone is rude to those around them, instead of focusing on the fact that they are a jerk, we should recognize that they are insecure and need validation to feel good about themselves.

When someone is having a private conversation with someone else, instead of thinking they are talking negatively about you, we should choose to be happy that they are able to get the support from each other for whatever is going on in their life.

When a manager forgets to tell you they noticed your hard work, instead of thinking they don’t appreciate all you do, you may consider the fact that they might be overwhelmed themselves. Even though they didn’t voice it, that doesn’t mean they don’t feel it, because their delegating to you is a clear sign that they need you and trust you.

When someone walks past you without saying hello, instead of thinking they don’t like you, consider that they could just be running behind.  Send good wishes their way to help them make it on time.

Can you see the difference you can make by simply changing the way you perceive things? Don’t allow yourself to interpret things negatively when the reality is that it may have nothing to do with you at all – 99.9 percent of the time they probably don’t.  As a CEO I could confidently tell my employees that if all of them knew each other’s back stories of their lives and their struggles, then they would recognize that everyone is grateful to have each other as their friend and everyone is grateful for their support.

If we want to find happiness in the workplace we have to give each other the benefit of the doubt. We have to give coworkers and managers and clients and vendors the benefit of the doubt. We have to try and see the world through a positive interpretation of what is going wrong that day. We have to try and see that scenario where people are good with good hearts and good intentions. Life is so much better when you do, and the world around you is a far more beautiful place to live. Your view of this world is up to you. Make it beautiful.

~Amy Rees Anderson  (follow my daily posts on twitter @amyreesanderson )