What a great reminder and quote from Wayne Dyer (who I think is a fabulous motivational speaker btw). So often in life we find ourselves in situations where someone does something that: hurts us, is unkind to us, treats us poorly, is unfair to us, is dishonest to us, is disloyal to us, is ungrateful to us, or a myriad of other things that hurt or make us sad.
Often times when that happens our initial instinct from the little devil on our shoulder is to lash back, to protect ourselves by fighting fire with fire. After all it’s an eye for an eye right? Wrong. Fighting fire with fire is what I would call a lose/lose situation, and that is never good.
The next time that little devil on your shoulder suggests you fight fire with fire, have the little angel on the other shoulder grab the nearest fire extinguisher and put that bad boy out!
I cannot think of a single time in my life when lashing back at someone made me feel better. On the contrary, the times I was dumb enough to lash back I felt small, and ashamed, and sick inside afterwards. I truly can’t think of a single instance where I felt good about myself after lashing back.
Now contrast that to the times where someone hurt me and I was wise enough to take the high road and not lash back – I can honestly say that those times I was able to feel at peace with myself. Of course my feelings were still sad and hurt, that is to be expected when someone you care about hurts you. But despite the hurt I was able to hold my head high and feel good about how I reacted, and that allows you to feel at peace even in the midst of the worst of storms.
None of us can control how other people treat us in life. We can only control how we react to it. And let’s be honest here – reacting nice when someone else treats you mean is TOUGH! It takes tremendous self-control and self-discipline to control your thinking and to control your temper, especially when someone hurts you, and even more so when it’s someone you cared about that hurt you. That is the absolute worst. I have been there more times than I care to remember. But no matter how much it hurts you have to remember that everyone will have a time when they are called to be accountable for the way they treated others. Thus the sayings of Karma, or what you put out comes back to you, or what goes around comes around, and all those other expressions people use to describe it. But we cannot forget that we are also one of those people who will be held accountable for how we treated others.
That is the reason I keep a sticker on my wall that says “When we stand before God, we will stand alone” as a reminder that when I go before God someday to be held accountable for my behavior I won’t be able to point to someone else and say “well they did this to me first” or “yeah, but they deserved it because of what they did” because I will be there all alone, with no one I can point the finger at or blame. It will just be me. And regardless of what anyone else did or said or how bad it hurt, none of us can justify our bad behavior by blaming anyone else. We had a choice to lash back or to take the high road. We always have the choice.
You may not have the choice to make it hurt less, but you can certainly cause it to hurt more by losing your own integrity in the process. And no one is worth giving that up for. Not anyone. Make it a goal today to be kind no matter what, to take the high road, to hold your head high and be the bigger person. And if that devil on your shoulder starts acting up, tell your angel to grab the nearest fire extinguisher and take care of business :)! Have a happy day everyone!
~Amy
11 Comments
Hi Amy,
Thank you very much for the good work u r doing in our lifes. I always look forward to ur post. Sometimes the people we love most are the ones who hurt us more but learning to take the high road is the best remedy. I ve had that experience and would love to share it with u one day. Once again thank u. Have a nice day too.
I have found that some people love to stir the pot and create trouble. When you “take the high road” and move on with your life without lashing back, it will sometimes upset them more. They were looking for a fight and you would not deliver.
I had a brother like that. The neighbor boy would pick on him constantly, but it didn’t bother my brother one bit. He completely ignored the neighbor. The “bully” would them try to attack my brother which would be a mistake because my brother was a wrestler and would always take him down in seconds. My brother would not fight back, just pin the bully to the floor, get up and walk away.
So I like to think of it in this way. It is sometimes hard to walk away, but it can also serve as a slap in the face….don’t give them the fight they are craving!
Just remember…misery loves company.
But what if one is not a wrestler?
Excellent site. Plenty of helpful info here.
I am sending it to several pals ans also sharing in delicious.
And of course, thank you for your sweat!
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Hi Amy! I am having a very hard time with the lashing out issue. I have been seriously abused in my past mentally physically financially and emotionally. The only way to get rid of all of the pain was to lash out! Being in a very deadly abusive marriage was a very hard thing to endure but God has made it possible for me to live and now I live for Him once more. My trust is crushed and it’s a devastating issue but I am trying my best mentally to over come this with the help of people like you. searching online for a Christian counselor is what I’ve done today. If you know of any free online Christian counseling would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your encouraging post
beautiful written..
i am sharing it with my friends…
Hi, I was just attacked for the 2nd time in a week by a neighbor. I had this stray cat at my door and it got very aggressive and bit me. I had it removed. The neighbor got mad and called me all kinds of names and started yelling out nasty things so everyone could hear her. I ignored her. today she knocked holding papers, saying she was having me arrested for lying. She called me more names. I told her to leave my property and she started acting crazy saying, yeah right, b!yelling out Hows the karma? So I went in and called the cops. they came and took a report. She got a trespassing ticket. she laughed. I was shaking and my adrennilin was going. I am all stressed out already from the loss of my sister, dad, dog, 2 homes and now this. When does it end? I never hurt anyone. I live alone, and keep to myself. is there any help/?
Thank you so much for this. This is exactly what I was going thru.
You are a God sent my dear. I lashed at someone very badly today and only to find out that it was actually my fault and not the others persons fault I felt very very bad and I eish I could reverse all of this but I can’t . I wish I can reverse all of this and I promise not to ever ever treat anyone very badly (even if I can be wronged ). I take a covenant with self and God to be kind to people irrespectively. I came across this site as I was googling sites about treating people bad. Thank you so very much