“If People Are Trying to Bring You Down…”

“If people are trying to bring you down it only means that you are above them.” 

I spent time tonight talking to a close friend who has a teenager daughter who is being horribly bullied in school.  Her daughter, like many teenage girls, suffers from low self-esteem.  She thinks her body isn’t thin enough, she thinks she isn’t pretty enough, in general she feels like she isn’t enough.  I happen to know that her daughter reads my daily blogs and I want her daughter to know that she is beautiful, on the inside and out.  Those bullies at her school DO NOT get to define who she is. She defines that – no one else.

“Never be bullied into silence.  Never allow yourself to be made a victim.  Accept no one’s definition of your life; DEFINE YOURSELF.”

I love that quote.  And I love where it says to accept no one’s definition of your life but to define yourself.  The moment you can stop letting your view of yourself be based on what other people think is the moment you take control of your life.  Recognize that what other people think isn’t what matters. What matters is what you think of yourself.

I went through some really hard years in my early 20’s when my self-esteem was at an all-time low.  I was in a destructive relationship with someone who put me down daily.  And for a long time I believed every mean and hurtful thing he said about me.  I had let my entire self-worth be based on what this person thought of me.  It took many years and a lot of counseling to help me see that someone else’s words don’t define me.  Who I choose to be defines me.  How I live my life defines me.  Not someone else’s thoughts or words.  I decide.  I want my friends daughter to know the lesson I learned and I want her to believe me when I tell her that those bullies are not the ones who get to decide who and what you are.  You can decide to be and do whatever you want with your life.  You can decide if are going to live as a young lady who is beautiful because beauty comes from the inside out, not the other way around.

Hearing about her situation at school makes my heart sick. It truly does.  I have zero tolerance for people who are bullies.  I think people who bully others are the lowest of the low.  They are unhappy, miserable people themselves and that is why they take pleasure in trying to pull others down into misery with them.  I have never met a happy, genuinely confident person who is a bully.  The bullies are always the unhappy people who are totally insecure with themselves and so they make fun of others to mask their own insecurity and to draw attention away from their flaws and onto the flaws of others.  The bottom line is that bullies are not people to put stock in what they think, do, or say.  Don’t be angry with them, feel sorry for them for being the kind of people who are so miserable that they would lash out at others.  Then be grateful that you are nothing like them.  Be happy that you have come to learn that you define yourself – then go out and define yourself as AMAZING because that is truly what you are.



  • lindsay says:

    Its unfortunate that people have to deal with this on a daily basis. This girl is too young to realize that these “bullies” are her generation of losers just like their parents before them. There will be no comfort for her until she just learns to let it make her better and stronger. These kids could be harvard educated but still be ignorant cowards because all they know how to do is hide behind a computer. A rude awakening will be in store in the real world, sometimes you even get to see it.

  • Lovatiana says:

    Dear Amy, Your friend’s daughter is so lucky to have you comfort her like you do! Your story when you were 20 reminds me of mine. I even got married with this person because I thought I was lucky enough to find someone who accepted to take me as his wife. The marriage lasted only 2 months because I understood it was not the kind of life I wanted. But it took me so much time after to have a good self-esteem and be convinced that I deserved something better. My life has changed through the 10 following years but I would not have lost all this time if I have had someone beside me like you are for this girl now!

  • Alvin says:

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  • Josy says:

    I love your quote!

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