When things in my life go wrong, or get scary, or feel overwhelming I know that there are certain people in my life I can call and they will listen and tell me how sad they are for me and how they can sympathize with my situation and they get sad or frustrated with me. And without a doubt that reaction is the one that makes us feel most comfortable with our wallowing.
Then there are other certain people in my life I can call and they will listen and then tell me that even though things are hard that they know I can handle it and they remind me that I’ve got this. Without a doubt their response doesn’t have that same effect of making me feel comfortable in my wallowing, but what it does do is help me see that I need to suck it up and stop crying about it and start dealing with things because I am capable of getting through this. And ultimately this response they give me is the more powerful as it helps me to move forward rather than allowing me to sit still looking back…
I still remember one friend’s advice to me – “When things go wrong in your life stop and yell out “PLOT TWIST” and move ahead.”
If we want to improve our lot we need to be willing to go to those people who will tell us to pull it together and move forward because we are capable of doing so. We need those friends who don’t allow us to wallow in sadness because wallowing won’t ever make anything better…it never has and it never will.
By that same token, when we have a friend come to us we need to be the kind of friend that is strong for them when they are weak. We need to be the friend who doesn’t allow them to wallow but who helps remind them that they have what it takes to overcome their hardship. We need them to feel how much we believe in them and their ability to handle whatever life is handing them. The most loving thing we can do is help our friend move forward with confidence.
Given that we should all be our own best friend I suggest we all write a quick note to ourselves with six little words on it and then tuck that note it into our purse or wallet so we can quickly pull it out anytime things are going wrong in our day – “Pull It Together! You’ve Got This!”
So don’t worry anymore because you DO have this…
~Amy Rees Anderson