“If you are scratching your head and wondering why you continue to find yourself in the same storm, stop splashing around in mud puddles. Figure out the role you have played in making it rain.”

When things go wrong one of the easiest responses to jump to is that of self-pity…”Why me?”, “It isn’t fair”, “How could this happen to me?” “Poor me…” and so forth. I suppose we jump there because it’s easier to place blame for the problems outside of ourselves, than it is to look internal and ask ourselves “what could we be doing different?”

The problem with placing blame for problems outside of ourselves is that in doing so we give up all control for making anything better. We become totally and utterly dependent on outside people or outside circumstances for our own happiness and we completely disregard the fact that we have the ability to make our situation better with a simple change in our thinking.

Now I use the word simple, but I acknowledge that it often doesn’t feel that simple at first. Let’s be honest…there’s a certain temporary feeling of comfort when we first start splashing around in the mud puddles, but the longer we wallow in self-pity…the longer we stay in that mud puddle…the more our feet become puckered and our bodies grow cold and inevitably we end up feeling miserable.

When we are willing to really reflect and figure out the role we have played in making it rain, we begin to feel a sense of empowerment. Even if outside forces legitimately caused the problem you are facing, by figuring out what role you have played, and by honestly assessing what things you can do in the future to help avoid that problem, or to help handle that problem better when it happens again, you will begin to feel the sunshine creeping through those clouds again.

We can’t control anything or anyone else, but we absolutely can control ourselves, our thoughts, our reactions, our behaviors. And when things seem stormy and dark, just remember that you do have the power to make the sunshine reappear in your life. First and foremost, change your thinking about the problems….look for the good that exists, the lessons to learn, the growth that can happen, and then figure out what you can do on your own to ensure that life will get better from here…then DO THAT!

Have a sunshine filled day everyone!

~Amy Rees Anderson