I observed an interaction between a mother and her teenage daughter today and it was all I could do not to bust out laughing. Not because what was happening was funny, but because I knew exactly what emotions the mother was going through in that moment because I’ve walked in her shoes back when I had teens. I’d even written a blog about a similar experience I’d had back in January of 2015 called \u201cPlease pass me that parenting book. I need to smack my kid with it.\u201d Here’s a copy of what I’d written:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“The quote in today\u2019s title pretty much sums up my day today\u2026just kidding\u2026only kind of\u2026. We have known for the past several months that my daughter is going to be leaving us for 18 months to serve a mission. We have been given checklists of what to pack and prepare and all the things that need to get done before she leaves next week. And as any good mother would do I have repeatedly asked my daughter over the last two months how she is doing on getting her checklist done? And as any typical teenage daughter would do, she has responded that she has PLENTY of time to take care of it\u2026giving that same answer for two months now. And as any good mother would do I began to panic when I realized that she had literally gotten zero items on her checklist done\u2026and then as any bad enabling mother would do, I began doing all the items on the checklist for her.\u00a0 Until today that is\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou know you\u2019re a teenager when you walk into the doctors, and\nthey ask you what\u2019s wrong, and you immediately turn to your mom to have her\nexplain.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Today I finally reached my limit as an enabling mother. Knowing how behind she was on getting things ready I backed out of an important work meeting today so I could go with her to do the things that absolutely required she be present for, such as getting her driving records from the DMV that only she could sign for and purchasing the clothes she had to try on. On the way there I said to her, \u201cHow am I supposed to feel confident that you can handle life on your own for 18 months if you can\u2019t even handle getting your own stuff packed??\u201d She turned to me with a smile and said, \u201cI figure I only have my mom around to take care of everything for a few more days so I am going to take full advantage of it!\u201d\u00a0 \u00a0And there it was\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why as parents do we allow ourselves to get sucked into the \u201cdo\nit all for me\u201d trap with our teenagers?? I think it starts with the fact that\nwe love them unconditionally and as such we want to do anything we can to help\nthem be happy, then it is added to by their innate ability to manipulate us\nwith the tilt of the head and the sweet little \u201cpuuullleeeeassseee\u201d, and the\nfact that we are worried sick that if we don\u2019t help them they will end up\nhomeless and naked on the side of a road somewhere\u2026because let\u2019s face it\u2026they\nvery well could!!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After hours of running from store to store buying all the hair\nsupplies, makeup, clothing, shoes, etc, we made it to the last store of the\nday. I was exhausted, but I followed her through the store carrying a massive\npile of clothes for her to try on, then I ran from the dressing room to find\nthe different sizes she needed as she tried things on, and then I followed her\nto the jewelry stand to get the earrings she supposedly couldn\u2019t live without.\nAs she grabbed the last pair she turned and said \u201cHurry up the checkout\nregister is going to take forever and I am tired of doing this.\u201d WHAT\nTHE\u2026.???? Seriously!!!! Yeah, I was pretty much about to lose it at that point.\nI may have even thought to myself \u201cI can see why animals eat their young.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When we finally returned home and she came downstairs and said, \u201cWhere did you put my purse?\u201d I didn\u2019t do anything with her purse, in fact I hadn\u2019t seen it since she went into the dressing room at the clothing store and I told her so. I stated that I hoped she hadn\u2019t left it at the store. She, of course, rolled her eyes and said she hadn\u2019t. She then went out to the car to see if she left it in there. A few moments later I heard her brother\u2019s cell phone ring and he yelled, \u201cBe back in a minute Mom and Dad\u201d. \u201cWhere are you going?\u201d I asked. He quickly shut the door to the garage without answering the question. My husband began to chuckle and said, \u201cThey are going to the clothing store to get her purse from the dressing room.\u201d ….And there you have it\u2026That sums up the joys of parenthood that filled my day today. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Am I partially to blame for my willingness to be a bad enabling mother? Absolutely! And yet there is that little part of me that knows I will likely get sucked into doing it all over again tomorrow\u2026because she\u2019ll come and hug me and tell me she neeeeeeddddddsssss\u201d me\u2026and I will love hearing it enough to start the process all over again\u2026Smiles (end of the 2015 post)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What I wish I’d told that Mother I observed with her teenage daughter today was this, “Hang in there and be patient…because as hard raising teens can be, in just a few short years that teen of yours is going to grow into this amazingly wonderful adult that will become of your very favorite people to be around.” <\/p>\n\n\n\n
To all you parents who are raising teens (or raising children of any age for that matter) – HANG IN THERE! #itwillallbeworthit<\/p>\n\n\n\n