One of my biggest weaknesses in this life is being able to say \u201cno\u201d when someone needs me.\u00a0 I struggle when I see any situation where I know I can be of help to not make time to help someone.\u00a0 And I know the real reason it is hard for me is because I desperately want to help people because I love helping people.\u00a0 Helping people is what makes me truly happy in life.\u00a0 So if it makes me happy then why is it a problem?\u00a0 It\u2019s a problem because there are so many people out there who need help that if I try to be there for all of them I end up not being there for the very people that matter the most to me in my life \u2013 my own family.<\/p>\n
Lately I have asked myself the question – Why is it that we are so quick to let our spouse and children down when they need our time, but we worry about letting total strangers or casual acquaintances down?\u00a0 Is it because we know our spouse and children love us and will forgive us, and we are afraid others won\u2019t?\u00a0 I don\u2019t know why we do it, but I fully admit that I have, plenty of times.\u00a0 I admit that there have been many nights when I am late for dinner because I allowed a business call or email to feel like it had to be answered before I could leave work, totally overlooking the fact that I had to be on time for my family dinner.\u00a0 But that is totally messed up!\u00a0 And more and more I am realizing that if I don\u2019t force it to change it will simply continue, because my spouse and children do love me and perhaps they will continue to forgive me when I am late\u2026but the fact is that even if they forgive me, I won\u2019t be able to forgive myself.\u00a0 I am the one who is lucky to have every second they are part of my life to spend it with them.\u00a0 I am the one who misses out every time I am late or not there for them.\u00a0 Sure it hurts them if I am not there enough, but ultimately I am the one who is hurt the most because I had the ability to spend a moment with them and I wasn\u2019t there\u2026they are the blessing in my life\u2026they are the gift and I am the one missing out on the gift if I don\u2019t take advantage of it every second that I can.\u00a0 \u00a0So I cannot be dumb enough to take time with my family for granted.\u00a0 I cannot be dumb enough to let anything else come before them.\u00a0<\/p>\n
So then I had to ask myself – If I know I want them to be the highest priority in my life then how do I keep finding myself in situations where I am overcommitted and not as available as I need to be?\u00a0 I have thought a ton about this question the last few days as I have tried to figure out why I am still struggling with work\/life balance when the truth is that I no longer have to work??\u00a0 I am finally to the point in my life where working is a choice, not a requirement, so it should be simple to walk out the door at night from the office and it should be simple to clear my calendar \u2013 RIGHT?\u00a0 So what the heck is wrong with me if I still struggle to do it??\u00a0 Well, here is what I am realizing:<\/p>\n
It is so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that if there is an open spot on the calendar then it must be free time to book another meeting – \u00a0WRONG!\u00a0 Because 50% of what I need to get done in the day doesn\u2019t get booked as an appointment.\u00a0 So I made a list of the things that don\u2019t get a calendar appt, but must be done during the day:<\/p>\n
.
\nMaking that list has led me to realize that I do not have 8 hours a day to setup meetings.\u00a0 I have far less than that.\u00a0 If I am realistic I will figure out the number of hours in my day that need to be reserved for the bullet list to get done.\u00a0\u00a0 For me that means at least four hours a day on average need to be blocked off just to do those bullet list items.\u00a0 That leaves me less than four hours a day on average to schedule meetings and appointments. WOW!\u00a0\u00a0 What a huge revelation that is for me \u2013 here I literally allowed 8 hours to get booked with meetings leaving me no time at all for the rest of my work\u2026no wonder I am working into the night each night.\u00a0 Duh!<\/p>\n
Next I realize that I have to learn to say \u201cno\u201d without feeling guilty or bad or like I am a horrible person.\u00a0 That is hard for me.\u00a0 It goes against my entire personality.\u00a0 It frankly kills me to do.\u00a0 And my anxiety over this one is HUGE!\u00a0 I think being a woman makes it ten times harder because women are wired to take care of people and we feel guilt over pretty much everything!\u00a0 But I have got to get to the point where I can simply say \u201cno\u201d and I need to get to the point where I can see someone needing help and be willing to not step in, which is the hardest one of all for me.\u00a0 Even writing down the fact that I have to learn to do it is causing me major anxiety and guilt\u2026arggghhh\u2026.but it has to happen. Because if it doesn\u2019t happen then I will be hurting my family and myself and I can\u2019t let that happen.\u00a0 I need to force myself to recognize the fact that IT DOES HURT MY FAMILY if I take on too much.\u00a0 And I have to recognize that when I take on too much I am choosing to hurt my family \u2013 CHOOSING \u2013 and I have to realize that it is a choice and I can\u2019t blame it on anyone else, I can\u2019t justify it with the excuse that \u201cthis other person needed me\u201d because there are millions and millions of people that probably need us in the world and that we could help \u2013 but we made a commitment when we got married or had kids that we would let those people count more than the millions and millions of other people in the world.\u00a0 Having a family means you make the unspoken promise to always put them first in your world.\u00a0 So the choice of the priority has already been made and if we can stay mindful of that then we shouldn\u2019t have to make so many day to day determinations on what comes first \u2013 OUR FAMILY DOES!\u00a0 And we can\u2019t feel guilty about it because putting them first is the RIGHT THING TO DO!\u00a0 And I, more than any of you reading this blog, need to remember this! \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Trust me, today\u2019s blog is more for me than anyone else, but I am hoping if I share what I am realizing with you that someone else can avoid making the mistakes I have made.\u00a0 Put your family first and don\u2019t feel bad doing it!\u00a0 Then help as many other people in the world as you can, whenever you can, as long as you never let them come at the cost of your own family.<\/p>\n
Love you all \u2013 hope this is helpful\u2026<\/p>\n
~Amy<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
One of my biggest weaknesses in this life is being able to say \u201cno\u201d when someone needs me.\u00a0 I struggle when I see any situation where I know I can be of help to not make time to help someone.\u00a0 And I know the real reason it is hard for me is because I desperately […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":89,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[251,410,240,51,411,65,414,412,64,415,407,123,413,416,307,408,54,409,250],"class_list":["post-2211","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-balance","tag-blessing","tag-children","tag-family","tag-give-time","tag-gratitude","tag-guilt","tag-help-others","tag-life","tag-motherhood","tag-overwhelmed","tag-priorities","tag-prioritize","tag-spouse","tag-steve-jobs","tag-take-for-granted","tag-time-management","tag-time-with-family","tag-work"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.amyreesanderson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2211","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.amyreesanderson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.amyreesanderson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.amyreesanderson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.amyreesanderson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2211"}],"version-history":[{"count":29,"href":"https:\/\/www.amyreesanderson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2211\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2240,"href":"https:\/\/www.amyreesanderson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2211\/revisions\/2240"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.amyreesanderson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/89"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.amyreesanderson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2211"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.amyreesanderson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2211"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.amyreesanderson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2211"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}