Back when I was single and working full time with two small kids I often found myself feeling overwhelmed and totally inadequate. All these women around me seemed so perfect, with perfect kids and perfectly ironed clothes and homemade bread on their counters. I felt like a complete failure compared to them. My home was typically a disaster, my bread was store bought and lucky if it didn’t have mold growing on it, and I don`t think I even owned an iron.<\/p>\n
I worked full time to support my kids and when I came home at night I spent my time playing with them and laughing with them and dancing around my messy kitchen with them.\u00a0 Yes, there were many things that didn\u2019t get done at my house, but guess what, WHO CARES?!!?\u00a0 I was playing with my kids and they were happy and loved and we remember that.\u00a0 Don\u2019t get me wrong, my house wasn\u2019t gross or unlivable, it just wasn\u2019t perfectly polished.\u00a0 But my world didn\u2019t come crashing down if there were toys on the floor and laundry not done.\u00a0 Sometimes things just couldn\u2019t all get done, so I would focus on what I could get done and then I let the rest go and I played with my kids.\u00a0 And when there was cleaning that had to get done I would put on the soundtrack to Disney\u2019s Lion King and we would dust the house running around to the song \u201cI Just Can\u2019t Wait to be King\u201d.\u00a0 We would laugh and giggle and dance while running around to that song.\u00a0 And to this very day it is one of my son Dalton and I\u2019s very favorite memories from his childhood – our cleaning\/dance sessions together.\u00a0 Time with your kids building memories is the most important time you will spend.<\/p>\n
Many parents today, whether single parents or married parents, often are required to work full-time outside of the home in order to financially support their family. \u00a0But when we get home from work it\u2019s critical to structure what little time we do have at home in a way that allows for valuable memory building moments with our children. Those memory building moments don\u2019t need to cost money – my cleaning the house while dancing around with my kids didn\u2019t cost me a dime of money and the truth is that me and my kids remember those experience far more than we remember the fancy trips we took when they were little, which tells you that the memories your kids will retain the most have absolutely NOTHING to do with how much money you spent on them and everything to do with their being the focus of your attention. .<\/p>\n
When I think back to my own childhood there is one particular memory of my dad that I value more than almost any other. It is the memory of my Dad coming home from work and putting on his slippers and wrestling with us on the family room floor.\u00a0 You see, my dad worked a lot when I was young, but that memory is so special to me because it was a time we kids laughed and giggled with him and he was focused 100% on us as we all pounced on him and tried to pin him on the floor.\u00a0He wasn\u2019t reading a paper and he wasn\u2019t watching TV\u2026he was playing with us – and that meant the whole world to a kid.<\/p>\n
Many people have asked me for advice on how to handle things as a single parent and how to get it all done. The advice I give is this – You don\u2019t have to get it all done, in fact it would be IMPOSSIBLE to get it all done, single parent or not.\u00a0 So don\u2019t be so hard on yourself.\u00a0 Put your kids needs first.\u00a0 Work hard to support them financially and then come home and enjoy them.\u00a0\u00a0 Refocus your energy into doing quality time activities with them.\u00a0 The activities don\u2019t have to cost money and they don\u2019t have to be fancy, they just need to be focused time from you.\u00a0\u00a0 Don\u2019t pull your kids into life\u2019s dramas.\u00a0 Protect them from it.\u00a0 When you are struggling, do what you can to be strong for their sake – they need you to be strong.\u00a0 They are totally dependent on you and they are counting on you to make them feel safe and loved.\u00a0 Provide a happy home for them.\u00a0 A happy home doesn\u2019t have to be expensive; it just has to be filled with love.\u00a0 I still remember when my big brother was going to college at BYU and he and his wife lived in the married student housing at BYU which was a trailer park back then.\u00a0 I used to love to go over to their little trailer and spend time with them because when you came in the front door of that small little trailer you felt nothing but love and happiness there.\u00a0 They had a spirit in their home that made it feel safe and happy.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t matter that it was small.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t matter that the couch they had was probably a hundred years or more old.\u00a0 What mattered was the love you felt there.<\/p>\n
There is no greater challenge that I have experienced than to be a single parent.\u00a0 It is hard and it is lonely and it is scary and it is incredibly stressful.\u00a0 Mostly it is lonely.\u00a0 But there are also blessings that come to you when you find yourself in a life as a single parent.\u00a0 \u00a0You can develop a fantastic bond with your children because you can pour your time and attention into them.\u00a0 You become a stronger, more capable person.\u00a0 And I firmly believe that angels attend to the single parents, even if you can\u2019t always see them around\u2026they are there.\u00a0 Remember that.<\/p>\n
Whether you are a single parent or married parent, my advice is the same – Don\u2019t get overwhelmed, and NEVER EVER think or feel that you are inadequate, because you are not, you are amazing and you are capable and you are absolutely better than adequate- you are AWESOME!<\/p>\n
~Amy Rees Anderson<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Back when I was single and working full time with two small kids I often found myself feeling overwhelmed and totally inadequate. All these women around me seemed so perfect, with perfect kids and perfectly ironed clothes and homemade bread on their counters. I felt like a complete failure compared to them. My home was […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":6623,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[13676,168,13668,395,13675,500,46,13216,63,684,13656,69,753,12575,13657,1145,224,163,1239,13671,13678,41,13658,13679,13677,13665,13661,13666,12086,1495,13660,4318,849,13667,24,13662,407,242,13672,4599,13673,997,13664,149,13659,13674,13663,13670,13669],"class_list":["post-8093","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-a-happy-home","tag-adversity","tag-advice-for-the-single-parent","tag-amy-rees-anderson","tag-angels-will-attend","tag-appreciation","tag-attitude","tag-best-memories","tag-blessings","tag-brigham-young-university","tag-building-memories","tag-byu","tag-childhood","tag-childhood-memories","tag-cleaning-the-house","tag-college","tag-confidence","tag-courage","tag-dancing","tag-dont-be-so-hard-on-yourself","tag-dont-feel-inadequate","tag-entrepreneur","tag-fancy-trips","tag-feeling-inadequate","tag-filled-with-love","tag-focused-on-the-kids","tag-focused-time","tag-happy-memories","tag-happy-times","tag-inadequate","tag-its-not-about-the-money-you-spend","tag-jerry-rees","tag-laughing","tag-life-as-a-single-parent","tag-memories","tag-my-dad","tag-overwhelmed","tag-parenting","tag-pur-your-kids-first","tag-quality-time","tag-refocus-your-energy","tag-single-parent","tag-special-memories","tag-success","tag-the-memories-we-retain","tag-time-and-attention","tag-time-with-my-dad","tag-you-cant-get-it-all-done","tag-you-dont-have-to-do-it-all"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.amyreesanderson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8093","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.amyreesanderson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.amyreesanderson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.amyreesanderson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.amyreesanderson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8093"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.amyreesanderson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8093\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8095,"href":"https:\/\/www.amyreesanderson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8093\/revisions\/8095"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.amyreesanderson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6623"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.amyreesanderson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8093"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.amyreesanderson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8093"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.amyreesanderson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8093"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}