Amy Rees Anderson

My Little Epiphany of Genius!

Today during a discussion I had a sudden epiphany of understanding that shed absolute clarity to one of life’s greatest mysteries – understanding the difference between men and women and their insecurities!  I am talking a serious flash of genius that was so obvious I couldn’t believe I hadn’t recognized it a long time ago.  Now before anyone reads this and says “I’m not like that!”, Look, I get it, this won’t apply to 100% of the population…and yes, it’s a stereo type…but stereo types become stereo types because they are typically true in the majority of cases.  So just enjoy this for what it is…a really insightful discovery into understanding men and women that could help you in your relationships with the opposite sex. So here it is:

Women are typically insecure about their exterior, but fairly secure with their interior.

Men are typically secure about their exterior, but fairly insecure with their interior.

Let me expound:

Women worry about how they look on the exterior a good deal of their lives.  When a woman walks in front of a mirror she instantly thinks “I look terrible!”.   They worry about their weight and their wrinkles and their gray hair and their thighs …and the list goes on and on.  Women feel better about themselves when they get validation from others regarding their exterior.  But when it comes to their interiors women are typically confident with their ability to handle things and they don’t rely so much on external validation from others.  A great example is motherhood where a mother performs duties all day long for her children and she is okay with the fact she receives little to no validation for it.

Men, on the other hand, typically don’t sit and worry about wrinkles and balding hair and their weight. Men walk in front of a mirror and think “I look GOOD” no matter how they actually look.  No, men don’t typically need validation from others about how they look in order to feel confident.  However, when it comes to their interiors and how they are performing at what they do, men typically need far more validation from others.  That is why a man’s confidence is often tied to how he feels other perceive his importance in the workplace. Men need reassurance regarding their internal abilities.

So what is the lesson to be learned from this amazing epiphany of clarity I had today?  Here are a few applications it could help with:

Married men, you should recognize your wives need to be validated for her external features on a daily basis. Notice when she gets her hair cut or changes her makeup or has a new pair of earrings on.  Those things matter a great deal to her and one nice word from you can brighten her entire day.

Married women, you should recognize your husbands need to be validated for his internal abilities on a daily basis.  Notice when he carries the groceries in or when he helps with the dishes or when he puts in a hard day at work. Those things matter a great deal to him and one nice word from you can brighten his entire day.

I think the same understanding can help men and women in the workplace.  Mind you the men need to be very careful when they complement a woman’s physical appearance in the workplace so it doesn’t cross a line to be inappropriate, but there are plenty of appropriate compliments that can be made to a woman regarding a nice pair of shoes, or a sharp suit she is wearing, etc.  And women in the workplace can remember that a compliment on a man’s performance at work will go a long way toward building his confidence too.

Anyway that is my little epiphany of genius I was hit with today.  And maybe all of you reading this had already recognized this in this simple way before, but for me it felt like a flash of genius!! So I am going with that 🙂

Have a great day!

~Amy

1 Comment

  • Monica says:

    That is awesome Amy 🙂 I love it.
    I actually googled, “making it through a Toxic work environment” and stumbled on this great blog as well. Both have uplifted me this “not” so bright (yet) Monday morning.
    Thank God for brilliance such as you!! God Bless.

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