Amy Rees Anderson

The Key to a Good Marriage is Finding Someone With a Good Heart

Relationships are a tricky thing.  Men and women are so drastically different in so many ways that it is a serious miracle that we actually end up together in many ways.  We communicate differently, we show love differently, we have different expectations, we have different emotional responses…we are just plain different.

And is if our differences weren’t intimidating enough,  we are then expected to pick just one person and commit to being with them forever.  Talk about serious pressure!  It is about the riskiest venture a person can ever step into!  Finding one person who will be your perfect match…your soul mate…your best friend….your lover…  That one decision is the most important decision you will make in your life.  So yeah, no pressure!

If I had to give my children advice on making the decision on who to marry I would tell them this:  Find a person with a truly good heart, who has integrity, and who you are physically attracted to and marry them!  The physical attraction part speaks for itself, so I am going to focus on explaining the good heart and integrity part.

The good heart requirement goes back to what I started talking about in the opening paragraph – men and women are totally and completely different – which means there will be a million disagreements on how things should get done in your marriage (squeeze the toothpaste from the middle or the bottom, and drive this direction to get there or that one, and watch Beverly Hills Housewives on TV or Build it Bigger…).  And for many of those disagreements it won’t be a clear cut of who is right and who is wrong (although I would argue that in my marriage I am right far more of the time than he is and he would argue the opposite 🙂 ), because often times its just a difference of opinion rather than a clear cut right or wrong.  Also because of our differences we will communicate poorly, we will irritate each other, we will even infuriate each other at times….and when those things happen – AND THEY WILL HAPPEN! – The one thing that you can hold on to – the one thing that will make that person worth fighting for – the one thing that will make it worth forgiving and forgetting is this – THEY HAVE A GOOD HEART and THEY HAVE INTEGRITY!

That quality and that quality alone is worth hanging onto in a spouse.  Because a person with a truly good heart is going to be willing to improve and be willing to make things right.  A person with that core character of integrity is always going to come from an honest place with you.  Integrity and a good heart are two qualities that can overshadow any frustration or any shortcomings until such a time that those shortcomings improve.  A person with integrity and a good heart is worth fighting for to keep in your life.  A person with a good heart and integrity is a person to cherish and love forever.

For those of you out there in the dating world who have found a person who fits the criteria I listed my advice is to hurry up and marry that person!  Finding someone you are attracted to physically who also has a good heart and integrity is a very rare combination so snatch it up when you have the chance!  Then hang on tight and never let them go.

And being a person with a good heart and integrity is not only the kind of spouse we should look to find, it is also the kind of spouse we should be ourselves.  And when you find that person and you get married and that person frustrates you or upsets you (which we have already acknowledged will surely happen) just say to yourself “he is a good man” or “she is a good woman” – remind yourself that the momentary frustrations are not worth losing this person over.  Then hope they will say the same thing back about you when you frustrate them!  Be that person worth not losing.  None of us can be perfect people, but we can all choose to be a person of  integrity and a good heart.

Happy Marriage to All and to all a good night tonight 😉



  • Kim says:

    Love this. True DAT!

  • leslie says:

    How fortunate that you found him!

  • Art says:

    Hi Amy,

    Great article! I am a believer in looking for that good heart along with integrity. Elyse and I both came from failed temple marriages and it took many years of being single and going through many heartbreaks to find each other. Along the way, we have both learned much about what we wanted in an eternal companion and what we expected from each other as spouses.

    I am sooo lucky that I found her! She is the best of the best. It’s why I display us together on my profile…I am nothing without her! Last week we submitted our paperwork to SLC to be sealed…we are so excited!

    Thank you for reminding me why I chose to be married again.


  • James E Smith says:

    Very true, a good heart is so important.

  • matchfinder says:

    The key to a good matrimony is understanding between couples

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